Member-only story
Diary of a Houseplant
The harrowing tale of a plant and a psychopath.
Day 1
Huzzah! I am rescued from the monotony of the hardware store at last! Today I was the chosen one; a human purchased me! The thrill of arriving at my new home and settling into the solarium sends chills down my stem.
Day 3
It has been two days since my purchase from the big-box store. Those 48 hours I have whiled away within the confines of the concrete structure known as a “garage.” No light finds me here, and I lay treacherously close to a metallic machine, which smells of my dead ancestors. It roars to life a few times a day and nearly rolls over my leaves. This must be hell.
Day 4
Finally, the human has brought me within his abode. I was placed in a dark, dank corner of what the human refers to as “an apartment.” There is no solarium in sight…not even a meager conservatory.
The human attempted to re-pot me. I barely survived. He did not massage my roots after removing me from the cramped planter. No, he allowed most of my precious soil to fall onto the floor. Then mashed me into a gaudy planter shaped like an elephant, which is ironically far too small for my root ball.
But, alas I am planted and on display in a home. This is the promised land, though I still maintain I my…
