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Honest Wedding Announcements
If people told the truth in their wedding announcements, this is what they’d say…
Banks-Hatcher Wedding
Tina Banks married William Hatcher on June 5th, 2018 at the Lil’ White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada. The wedding was officiated by an Elvis impersonator and witnessed by Cher and Celine Dion drag performers.
The reception was held in the parking lot where bride and groom downed a Colt 45 before tumbling gracelessly into the back of a 1988 Lincoln Limousine to be driven to their honeymoon at the LaQuinta by the airport.
Singer-Flank Wedding
Diane Singer wed Jake Flank on Saturday, April 24th at the Waldorf Astoria in New York. The bride wore a large white silk-tulle veil to hide the regret plastered upon her face. Diane had fallen in love with Jake when she accidentally saw his savings account statement open on his computer screen. Only later, after he’d given her a gigantic engagement ring and the wedding date was set did Diane realize that despite the size wallet, Jake was a real ass of a human.
The couple will honeymoon in the French Rivera, where Diane will pound benzodiazepines until she forgets what she has done to herself.
Harris-Peel Wedding
