Neat Tricks My Cat Can Do

And you thought cats couldn’t be trained…

Photo by Jae Park on Unsplash

After years of careful training and coaching my feline friend is capable of a multitude of tricks that are sure to impress audiences around the world.

Here are just a few examples of her magnificent skills:

• She can aim her puke directly inside my tennis shoe, not on the toe, not on the laces, but straight into the foot hole.
• She can lick her butthole vigorously, as if it had never been cleaned, then bound up upon my lap in a rare show of affection to purr and nuzzle my face followed by a wet lick on my cheek.
• The cat has learned to sing the epic song of her people at an extraordinary volume exclusively between the hours of 3:00 am and 4:00 am.
• She can propel her poop outside the litterbox as she squats inside the box…it is honestly defies physics.
• She’s learned to chew her food, yet minutes later regurgitate it (into a shoe) in perfectly whole, unchewed pieces.
• The little fuzz-ball can slowly tear apart twenty-dollar bills she has stolen from my wallet while I look on in horror. Don’t try to stop her though because her hiss, spit, and bite trick is capable of inflicting mortal wounds.
• Her shedding trick is magnificent, she…