Member-only story
The Affair of the Cat’s Butt in the Night
A true story of the darker side of pet parenthood.
Ethel loved to play, and rambunctious curiosity ruled her days. She dumped out all the toys in her toy basket and ran around like she was possessed chasing shiny balls or little stuffed mice.
My dad built her a toy she adored. It was a fishing pole with string and a little tuft of crumbled up newspaper at the end. I cast out the line and Ethel would chase after the newspaper at the end as if nothing greater in life existed. She grabbed it and shook it in her teeth imagining her prowess at murder.
One morning I found the fishing pole on the ground and the string was missing. I thought it was a little odd, but I figured the cat had most likely dragged it under the couch or something.
Then later that night I wandered into my office and found Ethel there with about nine inches of poop-covered string hanging out of her ass. You cannot imagine the horror. What are you supposed to do upon stumbling in on your cat in this predicament? I certainly didn’t want her running around the house dragging a shitty string all over the furniture. How much more string was in there anyway? Terrifying visions of pulling on the sting and having her little kitty intestines come out with it swirled in my head. Panic set in.
